Yes, it's okay if you're still a Virgo

Silhouette of a hand and rose before a sunset.The loss of your virginity can be a transition ceremony that marks the transition from childhood to adulthood. For some people, sexual intercourse for the first time is a devotional love act. For others, the loss of virginity is a path to greater sexual pleasure and personal fulfillment. In a sex-saturated culture where everyone is expected to have and enjoy sex, virginity can be stigmatized – especially for adults.

Sanctification is a cultural construct. It means different things in different societies and its definition has changed over time. Most studies and many people define for the first time the loss of virginity as having pain-vaginal contact. However, this is a heteronormative definition of sex that excludes many acts of sex.

Virginity is not a medical term. You can not tell if someone is a virgin by looking at the film, penis or other genitals. Since there are many definitions of gender, there is no single, clinical definition of virginity. The very notion of virginity or virginity depends on a social construct and not on a biological one.

The position of the V-card

The virginity comes in many forms. Some virgins may be willing to have sex, but they can not find the right partner. Others may be comfortable waiting, while quietly worried that their inexperience means something is wrong with them. Some people remain virgin due to lack of interest in sex. The wicked and fragrant people can cope with both the stigma of virginity and the stigma of the sexual minority.

Some examples of virginity include:

  • The idea that everyone wants to lose their virginity and that people who remain virgin remain so because they can not find a companion.
  • Shame on the virgin's stay.
  • Viewing virgins as categorically different from non-virgins.
  • Using "virgin" as an offense or a way to intimidate someone.

Stigma of virginity is often gender. The traditional meanings of masculinity require boys and men to be very sexually active. Men who are unable or unwilling to comply with this rule may feel ashamed and aware. Some men can engage in aggressive sexual behavior in an attempt to get partners to have sex with them.

Women often face conflicting pressures on sex. Some religions give virginity to women. Some cultures and families even demand virginity, using promises of virginity and virgin balls as a way to encourage girls and women to abstain from sex. However, women may also feel the pressure to fit the desires of their romantic partner and face criticism to set limits. Women who are interested in sex may feel ashamed of their desires, while others may be forced into sex before they are ready.

More people make their sexual debut as adults

When you are worried about being still virgins, you may feel like everyone else is having sex. The depictions of mean mass sexual activity do not help. However, research shows that more people remain virgin for longer.

The average age of loss of virginity is about 17 years for males and females. However, fewer high school students have sex. In 2007, 47.8% of high schools had sex. By 2017, this figure has fallen to 39.5%. According to surveys published in 2005, among adults aged 25-44, 97% of men and 98% of women had vaginal contact. According to surveys published in 2013, 1 to 2% of adults remain virgin in the forties.

Most people assume that others have more sex and have more sexual experience than they are, which is usually not the case.Young people today have less sex than the youth of the two previous generations. A study in 2017 found that, on average, they had sex nine times a year less than the youngsters did before a generation. Today's young people are also on track to have fewer sexual partners.

Rachel Keller, LCSW-C, CST, a Maryland therapist who helps people and couples with sex and intimacy, says that perceptions often do not fit reality.

"Most people assume that others have more sex and have more sexual experience than they are, which is usually not the case." Young men in particular tend to assume that everyone else has sex, but they feel shame and wonder how can they say to a prospective partner that they are virgin? Once they finally have the conversation, they realize that they are not nearly as great as an agreement as they thought they might be: Being confident about who you are, open-minded and generous are more important to creating a positive sexual relationship than your experience, "he explains.

Some people may feel so embarrassed about their sexual inexperience for being on their sexual history. This may actually make up the stigma, contributing to the illusion that people have more sex than in reality. In addition, sex anxiety can make the loss of virginity stressful and less enjoyable than otherwise.

When people feel embarrassed by their non-existence, they may feel uncomfortable communicating with their partners about their sexual history, preferences or needs. This can make sex less pleasant.

How Healing Can Help With The Stamp of Our Lady

Sin is not a psychological problem. There is no "normal" age in which you have sex or have the appropriate sex. However, misleading and conflicting social norms about sex can lead to a toxic stew of autopsy, sexual shame, misconceptions about sexuality, and frustration in relationships.

Treatment can help people navigate on these complex issues. A therapist can work with a person to identify and understand their own values ​​and sexual goals. For example, a person who was born in a family who demanded virginity can ask this rule, and then decide if he wants to approve or reject him.

A coworker can help couples struggling with virginity. For example, a couple waiting until the wedding makes sex may need support to talk about sex and feel comfortable losing his virginity. Or a couple in which only one partner is virgin may need to control sexual communication to reduce the shame surrounding virginity.

Some other ways the therapist can help are:

  • Destigmatizing virginity with education and research on typical sexual behavior.
  • Discussing issues of sexual identity and orientation. Some people remain virgins because they are asexual or aromatic. Others worry that they can not be sure of their identity until they have sex.
  • Supporting a person to talk about sex with their partners and to identify the sexual acts they are comfortable with.
  • Encouraging a client to design their own sexual limits instead of relying on the sexual limits that friends, family, or society want to design.
  • Talking about issues of self-esteem, shame and rules about sex.

Treatment can play a key role by helping sexually inexperienced people prepare for a healthy sexual relationship. When a person does not want to have sexual intercourse, healing can support them in their embrace of identity and impulse behind the stigma.

You can find a therapist here.

Bibliographical references:

  1. Frequently Asked Questions and Sex Information. (n.d.). Retrieved from
  2. Fewer high school students from the US are sexually exploited and are using drugs (2018, June 14). Retrieved from
  3. Haydon, A. A., Cheng, M. M., Herring, A. H., McRee, A., & Halpern, C. T. (2013). Prevalence and prediction of sexual inexperience during adulthood. Sexual Behavior Files, 43(2), 221-230. Retrieved from
  4. There is no such thing as virginity, says the author. (2010, August 3). Retrieved from
  5. Twenge, J.M., Sherman, R.A., & Wells, B.E. (2017). It reduces the sexual frequency among American adults, 1989-2014. Sexual Behavior Files, 46(8), 2389-2401. Retrieved from
  6. Our Lady and myth. (n.d.). Retrieved from

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