We all struggle from time to time with finding enthusiasm in our relationships. We put on daily grind to go to work, take care of the family, take dinner at the table and prepare for the next day to do it again. We live for a taste of freedom at the weekend just to find that we either spend it recovering from the week, rushing into all of our unfinished work, or some combination of both.
We may find that our partner is now a group-label partner to get the jobs we leave. Sometimes we want to recall that our partner is more than that, but how? We often hear the suggestion that we have regular dates with our partner. It sounds like a good idea, but many of us stick to the carousel to ask each other "What do you want to do?"
Here are some suggestions that can bring that spark back to the relationship and help you look forward early in the night.
Did you both fall in love with the smooth tracks of Phil Collins? Did you pass notes to each other in the gym hall? Did you go to make your father's Oldsmobile?
Put back the old memories that remind you of why you met (before home loans and college funds). Consider creating a playlist of all the songs you used to listen to. What aroma do you or your love only love when you first met? A journey under the lane may be just what the doctor of love has ordered.
Turn it off and tune it
It seems that one of the most popular complaints in my treatment office is that electronics have more attention than relationship. When is the last time that you gave your partner your full attention?
Instead of looking at the screen, look at your partner. Try 4 compact minutes to look at your lover's eyes without sound or interruption. Focused attention can help you connect.
If you can, spend some time together in a quiet place without distractions. Many couples report a renewed connection and intimacy when they go out of the grid for 24 hours or more.
Study your partner
In my years of practice, I have learned that the most successful couples are those who are constantly learning new things about each other. It might be what new fury they think is rebellious or what they dream of. Many couples are looking forward to learning 5 new things for their partner to report the next session. Some couples assume they already know there is something to learn.
Maintaining romance in our relationships requires effort. However, a happy relationship is an ever-increasing relationship. Is there anything you can learn about your love only by observing them? Do not be afraid to ask about your memories, fears, your favorites and everyday life.
Be curious about their world like you when you met. Try to learn a new thing every day and report your findings. You may find that they feel special and important because you have devoted time to observe them.
Create a dream
Many of us start committed relationships that dream the possibilities for the future. We plan to build a family together, travel or sit next to our rock-lounges as the sun enters our lives. The challenge comes when we are so wrapped up in everyday life that we forget what we dreamed about.
Many couples find that creating a dream boat together causes a sudden downturn for life again. What images will you collect to represent the future you hope? If you want the rocker chair scenario, find a picture of two rocking chairs and add it to your dream board. Many of us find that if we make our dreams tangible, we are more likely to achieve them. This is an opportunity to create a natural representation of your hopes and desires for your future together.
Maintaining romance in our relationships requires effort. Often we spend a lot of time and energy when we are in the early stages of our relationship. Sometimes we forget that we must continue our efforts to maintain these links.
Relationships are not just another aspect of our routines, with all the excitement to get our car to change oil. Most of us mate with another person to enjoy life together. If you take the time to keep the romance in your relationship, you will probably find your attempt to be a good investment.
If you and your partner still have trouble signing in after you try these tips, you can find a couple adviser here. A therapist can help your two identify emotional issues that you might not notice on your own.
© Copyright 2018 GoodTherapy.org. All rights reserved. The publishing permission was granted by Deidre Prewitt, MSMFC, LPC, the therapist at Columbus, Ohio
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