Two meditations that use caution to cure rejection

Two purple flower flowers float with leaves in a lakeDisposal is dangerous. A broken heart is similar to a broken arm. The pain of social rejection often leads to an avalanche of emotional and cognitive consequences, but attention can be an effective therapist.

I initially wrote these meditations for a work-related event on the subject of the day being "Present". At 72 hours before the event, I experienced an intense and unexpected social rejection from people overlapping in my personal and professional circles.

As I sent a clear and honest email about my feelings and limitations the morning before the job presentation, I said to myself, "The last thing I want to do is to be here for the pain." I was quickly reassured by the prospect that perhaps this was the exact dose of the drug I needed.

We are social animals, fixed for connection, detection, and acceptance requirements that come from our ancestral racial roots. Personally and professionally, I have struggled with the rejection, especially these past 3 years. And especially as a woman with a history of sexual injuries and childhood abuse, this political climate is toxic to me.

This social rejection and attack on my face at the federal level is aggravated by more common, everyday forms of rejection that never bothered me, those that I did not even perceive as forms of rejection: delayed answers to texts, lack of recognition in work, lack of sympathy for a picture of Instagram, my husband asking if I can get some toilet paper before, if asked, how did my day go.

All this must be said: When I have been singled out by a more intense rejection strike, such as the one preceding my meditation workshop, I have learned the extent to which I overlook the rejection of my work as a therapist and, to the extent that I have understood, normalized to it.

Addressing Resurrections of Everyday Life

Ironically, I am writing this article about the rejection without a guarantee that it will be accepted. I accept that rejection is part of the human condition, but over time and without care, rejection can erode motivation, self-esteem and courage. I know that when I feel the rejection, meditation in the mind is a treatment strategy that proves to be working for me.

Science supports the relationship between rejection and brain chemistry, just as science supports the relationship between consciousness and brain chemistry.

Science supports the relationship between rejection and brain chemistry, just as science supports the relationship between consciousness and brain chemistry.

According to the approved psychologist Guy Winch, PhD, "Rejection of piggybacks in natural pathways to brain pain." FMRI studies show that the same brain regions are activated when we experience rejection, such as when experiencing physical pain.

He states that rejection affects our intelligence, logic and self-esteem. But our sensitivity makes us less sensitive to the sense of rejection for its effective use in emotional regulation because attention allows people to focus on the present moment while recognizing their feelings and thoughts calmly and responsibly.

Two meditations to help heal the pain of rejection

Dr. Alexandra Martelli, the lead author of a study recently published in Social Cognitive and Emotional Neuroscience, found a correlation between attention and reduced social discomfort in fMRI imaging as the researchers found there was less activation in the brain region associated with inhibiting regulation of both physical and social forms of pain. I offer under two meditations that I wrote that can apply to the treatment of rejection pain.

To gain the prospect: Limited metta meditation a minute

Take a deep breathing by filling your belly with air. Late exhale. Repeat twice. Repeat yourself three times: "Like clouds, this will pass." Take a deep breath, filling your belly with air. Late exhale. Repeat twice.

Present and Focus on Self: Guided Metta Meditation with Illustrations

Metta: "I'm in. I'm ready, I'm worthy."

Let your eyes be closed if you do it comfortably. You can take a moment here to make any adjustments to your attitude that you need to do to be comfortable. Start this exercise by making yourself feel comfortable. There is no wrong way to sit, breathe, be. There is no wrong way to do this. You are here, like you, in this room.

Take this time to try some, deliberate inhalations and exhale at a rate that feels comfortable for you. As you inhale, fill your belly with air as you fill a balloon. Late exhale. Continue to breathe like that. Leave a few minutes of silence.

You can imagine yourself as a snow bullet that has shaken. Imagine putting the snow globe down and watching as all small snowflakes and lamps come to rest in the background. Leaving everything in your body to sit and rest. Continue to try a few, intense inhalations and exhalements at a rate that suits you comfortably. Leave a few minutes of silence.

Now, begin to remember your desire for clarity, tranquility and healing. You may also think of a time when you felt very focused, productive, attractive, connected, sure or successful. Leave a few minutes of silence.

Using this intention or memory, you can begin to repeat some phrases to yourself. In your mind, you can say to yourself: "I am present. I'm ready. Can. I am worthy. "Whenever the mind wanders, just go back to these phrases. Leave a few minutes of silence.

If your mind wanders, return to the phrases of goodwill for yourself: "I am present. I'm ready. Can. I am worthy. "Leave a few moments of silence.

During your day, you can return to your breath or these phrases whenever you need them. Try to maintain some of this goodwill that you cultivate for yourself. When you are ready, you can open your eyes.

Bibliographical references:

  1. Ireland, T. (2014, June 12). What does meditation do in your mind? Scientific American. Retrieved from
  2. McNelll, B. (2018, June 14). Social rejection is painful and can lead to violence: A new study shows that attention can be a solution. University of Virginia. Retrieved from

© Copyright 2018 All rights reserved. The publication authorization was granted by Genevieve Gellert, LSW, a therapist in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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