Should you fill others for weight loss?

"You've lost so much weight! Tell me your secret!"

There is a woman – we call her Cindy – that I have seen in the gym for the last eight years. I do not know it well. it is enough to exchange a friendly "hello" when we see each other.

Recently, I was in the changing room when I entered Cindy and suddenly I realized it was a few months since I had seen her last. It was impossible not to notice that he had lost considerable weight. As usual, I smiled and exchanged a hello and then I went to the bathroom sink as she began to change her clothes.

Another woman entered the closet and it was clear she knew Cindy, but she did not even see her at that moment. Once the woman saw Cindy, she went wild. "It looks amazing! You've lost so much weight! Tell me your secret!"

Cindy stopped for a few seconds and then said: "Well … I had fired from my job for twenty years, and then my husband left me. I'm very nervous and I could not eat."

Of course, the woman who made the remarks felt horrible. He did not mean any harm and apologized. Cindy was polite and told her it was okay, but there is a strong lesson in this exchange for all of us:

We never know what caused the loss of a person's weight.

When I shared Cindy's story on social media and our free closed group on Facebook SWOLE U, I received countless responses, private emails and emails from women who shared their own difficult stories to get unpleasant comments about weight loss their.

If you think, "But … recognizing one's weight loss is a compliment! It's nice!" I understand why you should think about it. Weight loss is often the default compliment – especially among women – and for years I have been congratulating people for weight loss with the best intentions.

Now I realize there were a lot of things I did not know.

Stress and personal issues are just a few examples of weight loss caused by unfortunate things, making it inappropriate, awkward or even harmful to mention. Here are some things that you should consider before upbringing something as personal as the appearance – or altered appearance – of one's body.

Eating disorders, unhealthy diet and excellent exercise

A few years ago I was following a very restrictive diet. I quickly skipped body fat and my family, my friends, my colleagues and people in the gym were all happy about losing weight.

What they did not know was that I felt absolutely awful. I had no energy, I was happy, my sexual drive was non-existent and I was so foggy that I tried to concentrate on anything. The diet I was following was dangerously restrictive and I knew it.

I tried to withdraw from this diet and – I like to admit it – was partly because of the positive support I received for my appearance.

Many women share similar stories. They participated in extreme diets or had an unhealthy obsession with exercise and are afraid to eat more or exercise less to fear to gain weight that would in turn cause intercourse.

Congratulations on weight loss may potentially boost unhealthy (or even dangerous) behaviors.

Disease or side effects from medication

Weight loss can be an unfortunate side effect of some physical or mental illness. When a person does not feel well and is clothed with compliments about his appearance, he may feel confused and irrelevant.

In addition, most people do not want to discuss something as private as their illness, which makes it very uncomfortable for them to navigate questions about what they have done to cause weight loss.

A woman's value is not her appearance

Society and many forms of advertising and marketing would like us to believe that the value of a woman is centered around its appearance. Because of this, many women struggle to feel confident in their skin, no matter how they look.

By spurring a woman's body into a conversation, we perpetuate the absurd perception that the appearance of a woman is the most interesting thing about her and that her body is ready for discussion. It's not one of these things.

The appearance of a woman is the least of interest to her.

If you want to congratulate a woman while supporting her in her sense of value and worthy of who she is, rather than what she looks like, the most supportive thing you can do is remind her of all the qualities that make her so incredible and that they have nothing to do with the look. Her body is her job.

What if the goal is fat loss?

When the subject was discussed in the social media, some well-meaning folks asked to congratulate women when they were certain to know that the goal of the individual is weight loss.

Even in this scenario, I still encourage you to pay attention to things other than the appearance of their body. Their sympathy for their hard work is much more valuable to mention because it recognizes their values, which is much more important than their gaze.

In addition, a concern that often comes from my clients working on weight loss and receiving compliments for this is, "What if I win back?"

If you shower a person in compliments when they lose weight, how will you be able to be supportive if they gain weight back? This is something important to look at.

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As you can see, commenting on something as personal and private as a person's body may feel annoying and make a person feel extremely inconvenient for a variety of reasons.

Instead of congratulating someone for his or her body, you can think of giving genuine congratulations to who they are, their values ​​or their skills. For example:

  • "You are so delighted that you are around!"
  • "I really admire how hard you work in the things you're passionate about."
  • "You are such a great listener."
  • "You have such a big heart!"

Losing weight is not always a good thing and even if a person is working for weight loss, it is important not to center his or her body or appearance. Remember how many other amazing properties they have, regardless of how they look.

Bus station

If you are a coach or a personal trainer, you will probably work with some customers who work for fat loss. If you know that your client is aiming to lose fat, positive feedback can be motivation and encouragement. Recognizing the reduction in body fat or body counts as data points, and then emphasizing consistency, hard work and dedication, are great ways to let your client know that you know how much effort they have put into the process without linking their value body composition.

For example, you can say something like: "You have been working hard on the fat loss target for the past six weeks, and according to today's measurements, you've lost an inch around your waist." You are so close to your workout and your eating habits to eat Slowly, beautifully! "

Avoid objectioning comments, such as "Look good!" Stay away from remarks centered around your personal view of your client's body like "Your thighs look much better now that they are smaller".

It is important to provide a wide variety of compliments and positive feedback so you can help your client see that he has to go far beyond changing his body composition.

Some examples include:

  • "He was such a good teammate today in the classroom!"
  • "You are so strong!"
  • "Your form has become much better!"
  • "You look so confident and happy!"
  • "I know I had a difficult week, it was prudent to recognize it and take a bit of your training.

Delivering genuine congratulations on consistency, effort and dedication are all the wonderful ways to let your client know that you are observing and appreciating how much effort you have put into the process while ensuring that their value in the past, current and future does not has to do with their weight.