Because the move does not solve any of my problems


"Wherever you go, you take yourself with you." ~ Neil Gaiman

When I had the opportunity to move to Vancouver a few years ago, the opportunity came with the clear need to try something new and leave my comfort zone. To be honest, I was also disappointed with many things in my life at the time: work, friendships, relationships including family and general "noise" that I felt I could not avoid.

I'm starting to lose my temper more easily. I found excuses to restrict visits with family and friends or to avoid visiting in the first place. The job seemed to have little significance or fulfillment, regardless of the time I committed to it. I felt that a new environment would be a great opportunity to develop, try something and enjoy being "anonymous" in a new place.

Sometimes we need this idea to wipe the plaque clean and get started. And my new home 3000 miles away was great. I felt fresh and ate my curiosity.

Being on the opposite side of my country gave me a tangible sense of distance from the things that were challenging for me. And when I was in an environment that gave me quick access to the ocean and the mountains it was quite therapeutic.

Returning to my old house was not something I was thinking seriously at all. Even with my visits back for holidays and family celebrations in the first two years, I really look forward to returning to my new home.

Over time, however, I began to get my itching again. At that time, I could not put my finger on it, but some things about my new home began to leave.

Some of the same behaviors began to reappear. I started to lose interest in my work. Friendships began to fade and I began to enjoy my loneliness more and more. I would feel unreasonable to those around me who seemed to have no the same concerns and seemed to "float" alongside their existence instead of hindering the current.

My visits to the house were always pleasant, but every time it was harder to go. I really began to lose my family and friends that I left behind. I was watching elevations and non-existent people growing up from a distance. The story I had myself over the years, that I was more than a lonely person and did not need connections, began to feel more untrue every day. Eventually I made the decision to come home. Fortunately, it was an easy transition to my job.

When people asked me why I came back I honestly replied that I was because I lost my family and friends and the things I did not like about my country when I quit originally did not look so bad anymore.

Returning home for more than ten years, I have a different appreciation for my experiences. My journey allows me to explore and try new things. I like to visit the places to see what we may missed for the first time or to delve deeper into an experience I really liked. But now I understand that there is a difference between traveling or moving for passion and doing either to escape from myself.

When I chose to leave my home country, I initially gave my decision to external things that I found annoying, draining or uncomfortable. But I understand now that it was not things that were external to me that caused conflicts inside me. it was my beliefs.

I have come to know how the things that activate me are areas of my own beliefs and behaviors that need some thought and healing. The lack of meaning in my work at that time, the seeming superficiality in everyday interactions with people, the frustration to distance myself from the "noise" around me – all I had to look at in truth, to understand better I could learn from them .

I realized that I only believed that I was happier in my loneliness because I was afraid to open myself to other people. And I dismissed the efforts and achievements of other people because I envied them their determination and determination, and I thought I was not worthy of attention or prizes because I felt like a rogue in my professional life.

By accepting, knowing that I am enough, by forgiving myself and really appreciating the amazing people and experiences in my life, I was able to change my prospects and my approach to my life.

Finding teaching in all these situations was enormous to me. It made me realize that my attempt to change myself by changing my environment was good but not the most effective way to grow up.

Sometimes, changing your environment can give you this perspective that you have to look at things from a different angle.

Sure, traffic across the country pushed a few buttons for me and it made me very strange. It also pushed me out of my comfort zone and gave me a sense of bravery through anonymity. I see now how this perceived bravery was more than a desire not to judge. It's amazing how open one is to risk when you think no one "knows" you have no history with you. You feel that they are seeing you for the first time.

The things they were causing me just traveled with me across the country. Even after moving, I still saw others around me building their lives while I felt stuck, and I still felt I was not enough in friendships and relationships. As a result, I worked very hard to fill these gaps, but I do not feel worthy of the attention they gave me.

For a moment, I was able to avoid this truth, because I was distancing myself with the youth of my environment. I do not exclude the experiences I had in my new home, but it is clear to me that now my starters will come back until I get them better.

Now I know that the better I understand, accept and forgive myself and remain curious, the more I can enjoy where I am where I am. The journey represents a lot of things for me now: enjoyment, relaxation, learning, connections and new experiences. But it is no longer the escape that once I thought I had to fix the challenges I faced. The better I know of myself and the more authentic I am, the more I can enjoy what I can wander about.

Thank you for taking the time to read this topic and I ask you to think about your travel and relocation options and hope to open yourself to the world within yourself.

About Larry LeFebour

Larry LeFebour is a Life Skills Coach, Technologist, Baker and Bass. It is based in Toronto and enjoys helping people to escape the old behaviors and challenge the stories they say themselves. You can follow it at Instagram at @breadbylarry or contact him by email at [email protected] or LinkedIn.

See a typographical error, an inaccuracy or something offensive? Contact us to fix it!