Aid! I have no one to talk about


Dear GoodTherapy,

Since my dad died last year, I had no one to talk to. And really, I had no one to talk about for the last three years of his life that had been destroyed as it was from Alzheimer's.

I do not have another family. I have no close friends, no husband or boyfriend and no children. It is only me and my constant companions: the emptiness, loneliness and my 8-year-old Roxie dog. When she goes, my life will be unnecessary. Sometimes I hope he boasts me. If God had told me that this would be my life, I would stay.

I'm not laughing when I say I can go three or four days without saying a word to anyone. I'm writing, but it's just for me (except this letter). Writing is like talking to myself, that's something, I guess. And it prevents me from completely losing the tongue. Sometimes I feel like I'm starting to lose my mind the way my dad did.

So now that you know how sorry my life is, go ahead and tell me that there is "hope" if I do it alone, this and the other thing. I probably will not believe you, but I would not write if I had completely resigned. -The lonely

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Dear solitary,

Your letter inspires my curiosity, not my advice. I'm not going to tell you to do anything because I think you already know what to do – you're not ready. You may be very crazy or very sad. Both, maybe? What I will say is that taking care of your dad for three years took many of you. You are flattered, your energy seemingly exhausted.

The time has come for renewal. I think that you wrote this letter. I do not know what you do to take care of yourself. I do not know what you like to do, what you would like to learn to do or what you want to do differently, but you may know the answers. Knowing what to do can be a lot easier than doing it, of course.

I'm not sure what you mean when you say: "If God had told me that it would be my life, I would stay." In a different home, job, city, state, state of being? There are hints of despair in your words, but there is always hope. Sometimes it helps when someone is away from your condition. Speaking of hope, I hope you work with a therapist for that reason. No good therapist is going to tell you what to do, but they will walk with you through the toughest places until you see your own way forward.

Can you use your compassion and commitment for yourself? If not, why not?

Have you always lived with your father? Have you always had the same way? Take care of your dad, Alzheimer and everyone, for three years. You know a lot about dedication and dedication to others. I wonder where and how you learned. Sometimes someone takes care of you this way? Can you use your compassion and commitment for yourself? If not, why not?

I have a lot of questions. Perhaps too many. Have you ever questioned yourself? You write, so I guess you do it.

You are clearly lonely, but you know how to get to people if you like. You have put yourself in isolation. I wonder what you did to deserve it. Or what do you think you have done.

Is it punishment or choice? You may like to have time only. After all, you do not have to take care of anyone other than yourself and your dog.

Do you think your life is "bitter"? I do not think so. I think you have many sources for yourself. You just have to decide to use what you have.

Take care,

Lynn Somerstein, PhD, NCPsyA, C-IAYT


Lynn Somerstein

Lynn Somerstein, PhD, NCPsyA, C-IAYT is a licensed licensed psychotherapist from Manhattan, with more than 30 years of private practice. She is also a yoga teacher and student of Ayuveda – the Indian science of wellness. Its main interest is to help people find healthy lifestyles, to love and to work on the particular combination that works best for them by linking them to their deeper energy source so that they can express their full range of their skills. Lynn's specialty is the understanding and relief of anxiety and depression.