Earlier this week I participated for the first time in a hunter's "nightlife" event in my community. Over the course of the night, I found myself observing how many admirers of "sorry" I heard in all the courts.
From my work in top self-esteem workshops, I know that many women tend to personalize mistakes and apologize for even the smallest mistakes. So it was very fun to talk first-hand about how many pardons were thrown around what was finally a relaxed, fun event.
I started to wonder: Do men say "I'm sorry" this much when they play sports? Apologize for any lost or shot? Although I do not know for sure, I suppose that overall, women probably do this more often. This does not mean stereotype, but the fact is, in general, that women seem to be struggling with the tendency to over-estimate. And it is probably related to self-esteem.
Looking at the research on the recently released my book The self-esteem book for women: 5 steps to gaining confidence and inner strength, I found the results of an interesting study that found women I am doing have lower levels of self-confidence than men and this difference is observed Worldwide (Bleidorn, 2016).
Over the last few years we have been learning more and more about the brain and we are calculating how neurological factors play a role in different circumstances. Historically, few studies have examined the neurological basis of self-esteem. However, a Dartmouth study of 2014 shows that levels of self-esteem are related to how the various regions of the brain are connected: People with strong white matter connections from the middle prefrontal cortex, the area that deals with self-awareness, with the abdominal striatum , the area dealing with reward systems has shown high levels of self-esteem in the long run. A well-functioning connection with high levels of activity between these two areas is associated with high self-esteem at the moment. These results suggest that self-assessment feelings may be derived from neurological links that incorporate information about themselves with positive effect and reward.
This description may sound complex and extremely technical, but the important point behind this research is that connections and unifications in the brain play a role in self-esteem. And these links can work differently for men and women.
It is interesting to look at how biology contributes to the differences of self-respect that become witnesses among the sexes, but what does this mean for women? Because women seem to be predisposed to lower levels of self-esteem, it is even more important for women to take active measures to build self-esteem. How do we do that?
Unfortunately, the tools needed to build self-esteem are not taught in childhood or in most school systems. they are often things that people only learn when they end up struggling with mood or relationship problems that force them to ask for help. But I believe that everyone, especially women, deserves self-confidence and can benefit from developing an awareness of what it takes to find inner strength. Because self-esteem affects all areas of life-career, relationships, parenting, emotional health and overall well-being, it is vital to gain a better understanding of how to create and maintain a healthy sense of self-confidence.
Because women seem to be predisposed to lower levels of self-esteem, it is even more important for women to take active measures to build self-esteem.
In The self-esteem book for women, I provide five steps with exercises and case studies to guide women in improving their self-esteem. Below is an overview. For a deeper look at the five steps, I encourage you to see the workbook, where you can go on every step personally and at your own pace.
1. Meet yourself
Building self-esteem requires first to find out who you are: identifying what you like, knowing what you want from life and developing an awareness of how your previous experiences have shaped the person you are today. It requires you to pay attention to the way you care for yourself and developing an awareness of the internal messages you are experiencing.
2. Take care of yourself
Developing healthy self-esteem also includes recognizing how strong your inner voice is and learning to reconnect your brain by developing more effective patterns of thought. It involves acting as your own cheerleader and being aware that things like eating, exercising, sleeping and setting realistic expectations play a part in how you feel for yourself. Beyond the basics, caring for yourself means ensuring that you take the time to promote your spirit by doing the things you like.
3. Respect yourself
Respect for yourself is vital to maintaining healthy self-esteem. It involves evaluating and defending your values without sacrificing your welfare to please others. It is about developing self-confidence and learning skills to become more dynamic.
4. Accept yourself
Promoting healthy self-esteem involves recognizing your limits and imperfections, accepting mistakes, and learning more effective criticism. It requires knowing your stress threshold, developing concentration and forgiving for mistakes or errors.
5. Love yourself
To truly demonstrate self-esteem, you must believe in your value and care for your future. To love yourself means to take care of yourself as well as to treat friends and loved ones. This entails creating better boundaries in relationships. It also contains the celebration of your strengths and learning to accept the congratulations.
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These steps may sound too simple. on the contrary, they may sound overwhelming. But it is possible to build a healthy self-esteem. It requires you to turn actively inward and develop a greater sense of self-awareness. With particular effort, focused attention and willingness to implement new tools, you can build self-esteem and experience a greater level of confidence. In this way we will help you achieve a more satisfying life.
If you are struggling with self-esteem, contact an authorized therapist in your area.
- Bleidorn, W., Denissen, J.A., Gebauer, J.E., Arslan, R.C., Rentfrow, P.J., Potter, J., & Gosling, S.D. (2016, September 1). Age and gender differences in self-esteem – Intercultural window. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 111(3): 396-410.
- Dartmouth researchers are discovering a source of self-respect in the brain. (2014, June 16). Retrieved from https://www.dartmouth.edu/press-releases/brainselfesteem061614.html
- MacCutcheon, M. (2018). Women's self-confidence book: 5 steps to gaining confidence and inner strength. Emeryville, CA: Althea Press.
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