In my own practice, I have worked with the fair share of single women in the & # 39; 30, & # 39; 40 and & # 39; 50. Most of these women express a desire to be in a long-term relationship and eventually get married. Not every woman wants relationships or marriage, and many are content to stay single. I want to be clear that women are not just girls in danger and waiting to be rescued. However, I want to speak specifically to those who wish to date, are in a committed relationship or are married and for whom this is not the case.
Uniqueness can be especially difficult for women over 25 as they watch their married couples having children. They often ask the question "What happens to me?" While listening to the media declaring that they must be "independent" and "need no one". They may feel torn between these two messages to find a lifelong partner and the feeling of pressure to "fly solo".
It may be tempting to minimize this desire with fantasies like: "You'll find someone", "But you're so young!" And "Don't worry so much about this." They often do not give voice to a woman's experience. For clinicians working with this population, it is important to remember the following.
Reflect on the pain and loneliness you observe and make room for sadness, as it can often be minimized by others.
Recognition of pain and sadness
The pain and sadness of being alone is real. It can be difficult for these women to discuss this with friends who are already married because they feel their experience will not be understood. It can be difficult for them to discuss this with their individual friends as they are in the same situation.
They may feel stupid because they want a life partner or feel like they are more independent. As their healer, you can offer compassion for their painful experience. Reflect on the pain and loneliness you observe and make room for sadness, as it can often be minimized by others. You can also offer validation for their current experience, as dating and not finding anyone can be their own set of frustrations.
Discuss the practices
Having a relationship has some tangible benefits. From finances, jobs, emotional support, you have someone you can support. Talk about the practical side of things with your unique customers. They may not feel they have someone to rely on if they have to go to the hospital in an emergency. They may be wondering if they lose their housing if someone gets them in. This is just extra for women who do not have a family who can ask for help.
Help them develop their support network. Ask questions such as: "Who can you call in times of trouble?" "Where can you find like-minded people to form a 'family' with?" Look at the proverb, You can't choose who you are online, but you can choose your friends.
Encouraging individual women to live as fully as possible will enable them to set up the support network they need. This can include things like joining a club, church or religious organization, playing sports or traveling. Discuss with your customers what they enjoy and how they can connect with others in an effort to build their support.
Individual women feel great pressure to be in a relationship. It is possible for their families to ask them, "When will anyone be found?" or "You're so alert – how about not getting married yet?"
These statements serve only the purpose of making women feel worse. They look in and ask the question "How come I haven't been found yet?" Which only causes more shame and guilt. They watch social media as their friends mate one by one and the same goes for TV and movies. Shows like The bachelor have become incredible mainstays because they underline this very idea that life should end in some kind of rich commitment. This creates incredible pressure for women who want to get married.
Explore what this is with your customers. What kind of messages do they receive for their existence? What do they do with these messages? Are there people in their lives that push them in a way that is unhealthy? Can they set boundaries with those who constantly ask for their marital status? Help them develop an inner voice that is able to connect with what they really want.
Sometimes it can be easy to get trapped in messages that your media and friends are tuning in and individual women forget to hear their own voice.
Explore the importance of being single
The uniqueness is not just not having someone in your life. there is a meaning behind the non-existence of a relationship, and this is a must to consider. For many single women at a certain age, it means they are unable to have children. This is a reality for women who cannot freeze their eggs, make substitutes, and do not plan to adopt or raise children. There is sadness that goes along with this reality.
As a healer, it is important to validate the sadness that accompanies this loss. Most likely, these women may feel uncomfortable opening up to their parents and may be helpful when a professional wants to know more about their experience.
Explore the loss with your clients and let them talk about other losses associated with it, such as not offering "grandchildren" or having someone with their family name. Providing a safe space for the treatment of loss that may seem confusing to others can be extremely important.
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