Can you remember the experience of a conversation with a friend or work where people were talking "over" each other? Interesting things may have been said, but you may not have been able to follow the conversation or actually connect with anyone. Was it disappointing? Discouraging? Or what about an experience where one puts one question after another, just talking without interruption, and there was no mutual dialogue. How did that feel? Boring? Level? Wearing?
Almost all of us may have had the experience we are talking about and you can say that the other person is waiting for us to finish so they can get in with their story. Did you really feel to hear?
When we are not connected to a conversation, we can not really be in relation to the person we are talking to. Active listening involves creating this connection. With active listening, the conversation can be inspired, creative, nutritious and productive.
How can active and dedicated listening help be activated?
Active participation is both an art and a skill. If you remember that power is the ability to influence or influence, you can create multiple points of choice in a conversation to use your power to actively engage and influence the way the conversation passes. Do not use your power to positively influence a conversation, perhaps you use it to create barriers to your relationships. Often, we unconsciously abolish our power by sub-operation. We let things go rather than have the courage to shift communication to be deeper or wider, or just to help make the conversation more entertaining and interesting.
With active listening, the conversation can be inspired, creative, nutritious and productive.
Here are some experiments that you could try to see how committed and relationship-oriented you are to your conversations. All this is practical for active listening.
Active Hearing: Prove that you understand
We want it to be understood. We want to know that we hear. Proof of understanding is not as difficult and complicated as it may seem, and you probably did it before. You do not have to repeat every word you say. Simple phrases like "You have" or "That sounds exciting" could be all you need. And magically, the feeling that sounds will encourage the person to continue. This is the first step of active listening. Whether you're in a leading role or trying to create a conversation with someone you care about, it's a good idea to make sure you're doing at least this step.
If you want to go to the next level where you participate in a conversation that gives and gets that it actively develops the relationship on both sides, here are some instructions. This step, beyond active listening, we call a dedicated listening.
Hearing commitment uses three strategies:
1. Link comments
A link comment begins by creating a relationship between what the other person is saying and your own experience.
For example: "My version of what you are saying is _________" or "You are talking about _________ This makes me think _________."
Making a link comment makes a double task. It shows you understand and offers you a way to include yourself and focus on something that interests you.
When you make a login comment, you want to be guided by something about what the person is saying or how you are experiencing what you are interested in or that you are curious about. Here you can guide the conversation in a desired direction.
For example: "I am very curious about what you are interested in _________ Can you tell me more?" Or, "I recently had a similar experience, and made me curious about _________."
Proof of understanding is not as difficult and complicated as it may seem, and you probably did it before.
3. Deal with questions
These are questions that take the debate deeper and could also be called open-ended questions. Keep in mind the questions you can answer simply yes or no, or even a few words, generally do not get you deeper or in a new position. Questions asking a person to expand their experience without choosing (yes or no) will do wonders to keep a conversation from deadlock. An easy way to try this would be to use questions that start with "how" or "why".
You can feel that a dedicated listening occurs when people are able to show that they are listening to each other through the connection of their experience, enter into the discussion with curiosity and explore new ideas through deeper questions.
Here are some examples:
"Has your work still been done?" – "No".
- Effect: The impasse and the person may feel criticized.
- Instead: "How will your plan be done?" – "It'll go quite well."
"Are there obstacles?" – "No"
- Effect: The impasse and the person may feel criticized.
- Instead: "I'm curious about the obstacles you face."
At a party
"Who do you know here?" – "Nancy and Jim."
- Effect: A new question needs to be answered immediately.
- Instead: "How do you know people here?" This opens up an opportunity to tell you how you know the people at the party. It allows a response such as, "I do not know them through the group of singers, I know them through the bathing club."
Where did you grow up? "Minnesota." – (No pause.) "I saw a good movie this week."
- Effect: The person does not feel hears. There is no comment linking them to how the movie you are referring to relates to where it grew up. You will continue to talk but will not continue to listen.
- Instead: "Where are you big?" – "Minnesota" – "Minnesota, you know, this makes me think of a good movie I saw where one of the scenes was in Minnesota." "What's the best movie you've seen recently?" I really like movies. you have nothing to talk about in Minnesota, so you can plan the conversation on something that might be of interest to both of you.
"Do any kind of exercise?" – "Yes."
- Effect: Go with a yes or no question.
- Instead: "What kind of exercise suits you most?" – "Swimming". Then follow with your interest: "I've really been looking for the right kind of exercise for me. What led you to swimming?"
The keys to listening, as your right use of your power and influence, is to show you understand, guide the conversation to a subject that interests you both, connect the links that create links between you and ask "how "Why" questions about the opening of new territories. In turn, this leads to healthier and more affiliated relationships. In addition, you may feel more interested in others and more confident about your ability to use your power to increase prosperity.
If communication issues adversely affect your daily life or your ability to function, there is help. Look for a therapist in your area who can help you learn and implement strategies to help you connect with others.
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